Theend

GIORNO 291-292

DAY 291-292

PARTENZA 

DEPARTURE

The day has come. Today it’s not only “Day 291-292”, as if it was just normal, like all the ones previous to it. No, today is the day I had marked as the saddest day of my life on the house calendar in the kitchen, and it’s the day I’ve been scared of for a month now, every night in the darkness of my bedroom, when the lights were off and my head was spinning around. This is the kind of day that I have to endure today.

If you have made it so far with me, reading my blog, you probably don’t want to hear a list of all the new experiences I lived this past year, but it is good for me to stop for a second and rewind, traveling a little bit with my memory.

The moment I saw Ann and Gary at the airport is stealing my breath, still now after ten months, because I believe that you can’t control emotions, and I for sure felt blessed from the very first second I saw the wide smiles drew on their mouths. They have welcomed me and embraced me in their family and lives, made this year great, far beyond any expectations, and for this I can’t use just words to express my gratitude.

I think everyone can be grateful for “the big things”: when something huge like a family trip happens, the excitement build up as quickly as the blink of an eye, and Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Colorado Springs, Rocky Mountain National Park, Estes Park, Wyoming, are marked as “seen” on the list of places to see around the world; but Ann and Gary also woke up at 4 in the morning to take me to the airport to go to Hawaii, doing that just for me, because they were not coming along. Isn’t this a big enough proof of their big, good heart?

As I stated before, I felt an integral part of their family. Of course it’s not been immediate, but we went through a building process that I consider to be just natural: we had to learn the little things, and we built a strong relationship, based on trust and honesty. I learned that if I had some spare time, I could use it to grind some coffee and fill the Keurig cups for Ann, or wash the steak knives and load the dishwasher for Gary, or pick up the newspaper and throw it against the front door when I got out in the morning to go to school, or ask Ann to go out for a mocha, or listen  to Gary explaining me about the new constructions behind the house, or or or…. And I’m aware they did the same with me, because they gave me the perfect bracelet for my birthday, when I had just once briefly mentioned that I loved it, or because I always found kiwis in the fridge, or because they made the house warmer when I was in it, when 5 degrees less would have been perfectly fine with them, or because they always showed interest towards my family back home, asking questions and never seeming bored to listen, or or or…

Barbara has of course been a big part of my year: we’ve done so many things together, and helped and relied on each other 24/7 every single day of our experience. She was firstly a stranger, than a friend, than a best friend, than a sister by choice. We went for walks in the evenings around the neighborhood, sometimes escaping from stray dogs and making fun of each other once safe at home. We went countless times to the Creole restaurant, after working out in the recreation center, always ordering a Gumbo and going out saying that <<It was way too spicy, next time I’ll change>>, without ever really trying something else. We had so many classes together at school, and even an off hour in the first semester, during which we took our time to go out of campus and explore the nearby area. We sometimes kept company to Ann when she was kickboxing, and we enjoyed a cup of coffee (or maybe many more) at Starbucks. And now that I’ve met her parents as well, I am sure our relationship will not end today: it will just have to re-adjust to the distance, and take advantage of the electronic devices more than the face to face. But we have planes, trains, and soon a driving license (we will have to succeed, both of us!): there will always be a way to see each other again, I am sure.

I will miss so many things about this life in Loveland, that no one who hasn’t lived all of this will ever be able to fully understand how I feel right now. I loved the culture, but I had to adjust to it and learn to appreciate it. For example, school is much easier compared to what I’m used to, especially since the load of work to do isn’t nearly as tough nor complicated, but I did love the way teachers approach students here, almost as if they were friends, always there to help and repeat themselves over and over, until we finally got the gist of the concept. Another example: the food. This is honestly the aspect I miss the most about my country, being a cook and foodie myself. Here they serve huge portions and call them a meal, closing any chance that one will be hungry enough to try something different or just a dessert. But I learned to order a starter, a salad, or a side, which were perfectly fine and filling, or, when not available, I kept in mind that a box to take home was always welcomed to ask the waiter (this gesture isn’t considered impolite or rude here, not at all!). And I found unexpected spots around the little towns nearby, that have created the perfect background for the numerous memories I keep in my heart: I always associate food with emotions, well, here I felt strong emotions.

There’s the Italian restaurant in Boulder where I took my family for my birthday dinner, where my best friends Maddalena joined us and spent all the day with me, giving up on one of her last soccer games.

The French Bakery where my dear friend Kathy treated me for breakfast, and the other breakfast place where the same, great woman took me to try the traditional English scones and to live some fun adventures.

The state of art restaurant in Denver where I ended up with Ann on one cold winter day, while wandering around the amazing city, with no schedule nor stress, but lots of joy and curiosity.

The Chinese restaurant where I took Gary for lunch, after seeing him working in the garden for four straight hours in the morning, with his hip hurting but never complaining nor asking for help.

The Italian restaurant where my big group and I went for the Prom dinner, starting it in such a fun way and making it one of the best night of this year.

The list could go on and on, because, as you can probably see, food and myself get along very well, but I think this was enough to conceive the idea of what I mean by the association that I inevitably draw between eating experiences and memories.

I just want to also remember the times I cooked for the entire family, such as the big Easter lunch, when I started cooking on the day before and by the time I was frying something like thirty chicken cotolette, I couldn’t wait for me to be done, and yet I was so happy to see everyone enjoying the meal: that was something pricelessly rewarding. And rewarding was the hug that Barbara gave me every time I prepared carbonara for her, or the smile that Ann showed me every time I baked biscotti for her.

I loved loved loved being a volunteer at the local hospital, getting the chance to interact with patients and learn from their incredible strength and optimism. I loved trying and learning a new sport, tennis, also taking part in the first competitions ever in my life. I loved hearing everyone speak in English, and I loved the challenge I picked up every day, promising myself to give a 100% to listen, understand and answer to what was going on around me. I also loved discovering that my country is so much appreciated here: we Italians should really be more proud of where we come from and do our best to preserve and support Italy, because it is almost impossible to find anything as beautiful as it around the entire world.

Last but not least, I have learned so much about myself, and I consider this one of the most valuable things I will bring home with me: this year has somehow changed me, the person I’ve become is physically very similar to the one who left Italy in August, but “spiritually” so different. I have learned to take life more easily, and enjoy the moment more, because everything goes by so fast, and I will never have the chance to relieve the same exact thing again. I know this may sound what the priest says in church, but it is what I learned, and I don’t want to hide it, but share it with you. Let’s have more fun when we are with company, let’s listen everything people have to tell us, let’s take pictures of everything we like. Because all we need is memories, and we will make them greater every time we will spend even just a few seconds to absorb them in our hearts.

My heart right now is like a bowl made of super thin glass: it is full of America, but Italy is pushing from the outside to come back in.

I just have to be careful and find the right balance.

Chiara Muzio